A girl's fb status.
willowtreefree: shoshannanicole: “When I get mad at my mom, I don’t slam the door or yell “I HATE YOU MOM!” I just quietly go into my room and flicker the light switch on and off. That’s right, raise that bitch’s electricity bill.” … dead. … My body is shaking from the laugh that wants to erupt
despite the fact we have the shittest weather, I love Britain a lot
threepac: don’t just hold your horses; caress your horses. make them feel special.
ok so I’ve been re-arranging my room all day and earlier a massive shelf fell onto my shoulder and it really fucking hurt my entire shoulder is blue and my mum was just laughing at it and started prodding it and then something clicked really loudly and now my shoulder is sticking out and my mum is crying because she’s such a bad mother haha bitch you dislocated your own...
therapist: now i'd like you to tell me about your most tragic experience ever
me: well one time i had to restart my computer
argh people who pick you up and drop you when they please
dalekabletomeetyou: sumofmylife: forrestcrump: people who follow me and reblog 0.000% of my posts people who follow me and never put anything in my ask people who don’t follow me
When your parents call you to dinner 1,000 times.
queefjerkey: do you ever use a pen and you’re just blown away by how smoothly it glides across the page and how the ink flows out so beautifully like tears of jesus or something
a detailed list of people who have a crush on me:
kwieta: i just want perfect skin and hair and teeth and body proportions and endless supplies of money and intelligence is that too much to ask for
oldercousin: i may not be the funniest blogger there isn’t a punch line it’s just a fact
hotbabysitter: So I’m at Starbucks and there a table of girls with dip dyed hair and I whispered summer bloggers and they all hissed “humor blog” at the same time
kittymander: my mom said i couldn’t have a cookie cake for my birthday so i stole all of her towels
I annoy absolutely everyone. quality.
satan: now remember girls, when you're arguing with someone, it's crucial that you call then "hun" as many times as possible, never forget to correct their grammar and spelling, and make sure to end each insult with a smiley face.
satan: go forth
I was hungry so I bought some animal crackers at...
Cashier guy: Ok that will be $1.39.
Me: Uh can I get a bag too please?
Cashier guy: *gives me a weird look but hands me a small bag*
Me: Thank you I think people might look at me funny if they see me walking around the mall with animal crackers you know.
Cashier guy: What just be like "YEAH I LIKE ANIMAL CRACKERS AND WHAT"
Cashier guy (as I'm leaving): DON'T LET THE HATERS BRING YOU DOWN YOU EAT THOSE ANIMAL CRACKERS GIRL .